AUGUST

So Ideational Probe is done (now called World of Next). I'm rather proud of myself for coming up with the "poem" angle in explaining the presentation -- that's essentially what it is after all. A poem, with the timing for reading each line set by me. Unfortunately, I showed some people, and it was not readily apparent that the captions were necessary to understand what's going on. Although it goes against how I like to present my work, I stated that captions are necessary in the description to make it more clear.

What else do I have to say? I've rediscovered the animated hijinx of Mike Scott. I used to love his "Beat-Boxing Dave" series, but now I've also found out about Bru & Boegie, two more charming characters of his. Also, I started listening to more music again, especially Jonathon Coulton today. And one other thing would be that I found out that a groinal response can be accompanied by feelings of arousal, which is a soul crushing realization. Lastly, I deleted a ton of files. No more digital hoarding. Oh, and I'm thinking of reading again. I've got three or four books I hope to find. Can't remember the last time I read a whole book. I think it was American Psycho, a bit before I saw the movie.

By the way, when I started this website, I had the idea for a dream journal section but decided against it in the end. Now, I'm thinking about it again.

Ideational Probe - the most thought I've ever put into a project. Even Rotten was pretty straightforward as I thought of a scene, wrote it down, and that was that before making it. This would be the third or fourth big change I've made to the general idea. Now it's gonna be much more personal, which is good because that was sort of the original idea in the first place. But now also it might rhyme. I don't think I've done that before. It would be neat. I will need a new title again. I have been looking at, how do I put this, peculiar people recently. I will only mention one by name because she is already so infamous -- Blowfly Girl. I read her blog thrice over. It is so very interesting. I am so so so fascinated by the thoughts of these people. Who are they really, why do they do what they do, what makes that head of theirs tick... it's the allure of the mystery of the individual. Aaaaaanyway I was just reading the many many words of a certain person and her strong spiritual/religious(?) views, and I was suddenly inspired to continue working on my thing. Heeheehee I used to not be interested in anything of the sort but recent events and having this project on my mind has really rekindled my spirituality.

Oh also I've been having ideas of stories but unfortunately I can not possibly think of a medium with which to tell them, except dreams. For instance, imagine a scene where someone tries to say something but their mouth completely dries up leaving them unable to say it, but the thing they are going to say is necessary to the story but I can't show through visuals what that is and I can't have any sound to communicate it because it is also important that they don't communicate it in any capacity and I don't want to write the story to get around it because (1) I do not like "typical" writing* and (2) the point of them not saying it is that it can't be stated. Have you ever had a moment in a dream in which you just knew something, because it's your own brain creating the story so you know everything. It's like that, where you just have to know to experience my story. Unfortunately that is impossible as far as I know. Also I've been thinking about my own variety show. I could do jokes and song covers and musings.

*I mean to say I've written stories before but I don't like to tell stories like that for the most part, although I do like pictures with accompanying text sometimes

Gee whiz. Not much has been happening as of late. Or maybe I've been SO busy I haven't found the time to write an entry. Not that I feel any obligation to do more than the bare minimum to not let this site die completely. Well, I haven't had enough to say to feel the need to write, so I've decided to put down all the little thoughts I've had at once. Befitting such a post, I'll start with something I wrote down on the 21st of last month:

I considered, again, the conundrum of what to do about all the little thoughts I want to express but don't think are big enough to share. And I realized how I've become nothing more than content to share. If I have thoughts, I can just write them down in a journal. Just because I can't turn it into something interesting to share doesn't mean it doesn't matter. I think the Internet has been an overall negative thing in my life. It's ruined my life in ways I can't even begin to explain. But... honestly... in some ways I suppose it has been good. However, I do not use the term hate lightly and I hate the internet these days. The things on it, the way its become, the people who use it, everything. I might be a better person if I stopped using any form of social media right now.

Heavy stuff. Hahaha... anyway, what else?

I'd like a light pink or white clown outfit. I love clowns. I love clown makeup too. I don't care about the balloons or the jokes or the magic tricks. Only the look.

I listened to a Daughters album just like with Tiny Tim and it did not fill me with vibrant emotions like the comments suggested it would, or like Tiny Tim did. I may try again with David Bowie's "Blackstar" album.

Enough old thoughts. Now for the new thoughts. What have I been working on?

A little over a month ago (?) I wrote down ideas I could use, such as video ideas that I later decided to draw as long comics and then reconsidered and was planning out videos for. Two ideas, which I titled "Ideational Probe" and "To Look At The Self" were the biggest ones. I've shelved the latter and might never use it, but I'm working on the former right now. Many many notes to use. The idea was changed and changed again and now it's morphed into a completely new idea, which will need a new title. I hope to have it done by September. It is very rare that I plan out a video or idea before jumping right in, because I believe the idea is more 'pure' with no forethought. But this one time I think I'll make something with more thought put in. I also finished my submission for Shrekfest a bit ago. Which just so happens to be why I want my "Ideational Probe" to be done before I upload it. I will admit I fear taking myself too seriously. Also it's fucking hilarious to upload a long, vague, spooky video right before a goofy Shrek video. 🙃

Update 8/7/20: I've just finished the music for my "Ideational Probe" video. I need to find the motivation to start drawing soon.