I'm not quite sure how to word this request, and my heart is pumping so much blood and shakiness into my hands and my brain that I don't think I can slow down to think first. To begin with, I don't want you to get the wrong impression from my request. There is nothing behind it. Rather, or rather, to put it another way. Actually, I'll just say. I guess, what I mean to say is. May I worship you? I mean, may I fantasize about you? Please don't get the wrong idea, still. What I mean is you as a stand-in for... someone else. Nobody in particular. But for this, experiment so to speak, there needs to be a person. But I don't want to imagine a fictional person. I need to be able to believe, momentarily, only temporarily until it is done, that I truly desire this person. That my every waking thought could consist only of them in a thousand different ways. I idolize them (you (for this experiment)). So I need someone I already care for, in some capacity. That is all there is behind this request. I would like your permission first because that is not something I can do unconsensually. Even in my own head. Even if it means nothing. I mean, if you were my wife. That is, in my imagination. As a muse. YES. That is what I mean to ask. Can you be my muse? Nothing more. Just a stand-in for nothing in particular. To find in myself some feelings that couldn't otherwise exist so that I can create something with these feelings. Whatever they are. My hope is that these are the feelings I need to create the thing I have in mind. But anyway, as a muse. If you were my wife. Or. I mean, something sexual, maybe, but I want to reiterate JUST a ridiculous fictional fantasy in my head meaning nothing. There's nothing more to it than, I guess, trying to manipulate my own emotions. How would I feel in these scenarios. I mean, not really. But if I loved you. I mean, not that I don't love you. The way I've always loved you. Platonically. But. I'm sorry. Let me start over. What I mean to say is I imagine a situation in which I had romantic feelings. Or. I mean in this imagined scenario. Romantic feelings. And maybe that would lead to sexual feelings. I don't know. But if I held romantic feelings. Then that would lead to me thinking of you in some way and that would lead to another situation. In my imagination. As I said, it's only temporary. It won't change anything in reality. I just need inspiration. I'm only asking for permission to use you as inspiration. Harmlessly. I'm sorry if you are disturbed or offended by this request. I only ask you because I trust that you are one person who would understand me enough to know why I would have this request in the first place and know and understand that there really is nothing more to the request. Thank you. Sorry.